I once came across an Instagram reel that said, “Heal the boy, and the man will appear.” At first, I didn’t fully grasp its meaning. Over time, though, I realised how deeply it resonated with my own journey.
For many, this phrase speaks to the importance of addressing past traumas—uncovering the moments in life that shaped how we think and who we’ve become.
Without even realising it, we often let old wounds steer our lives, subconsciously avoiding situations that might expose them. We build walls, create plans, and seek control, all in an effort to protect ourselves from being vulnerable.
But here’s the problem: when we prioritise protection over vulnerability, we block our ability to grow. Healing requires exposure—allowing those wounds to breathe and face the truth. Yes, what happened to you hurt. It left its mark. But it’s only through acknowledging and confronting these truths that real healing can take place. As long as we deny or hide our pain, we remain stuck, unable to move forward.
For years, I lived in fear of exposing my wounds. I let anxiety guide me down paths of self-protection rather than growth. It wasn’t until the death of a close relative that my mindset began to shift. I realised I’d been living in survival mode, not truly living.
A significant part of this growth came from recognising and nurturing the inner child within me—the one who had been working tirelessly to protect me. What I didn’t see back then was that this self-protection, while well-intentioned, was holding me back from truly evolving.
Once I realised this, I spent a good two years working with my smaller self, rebuilding trust and reassuring him that I could lead a life of excitement and growth without constantly fearing pain or hurt.
At this point, I must credit a mentor and a spiritual brother of mine, Tobias Matthews. His guidance and empathy throughout my journey have been invaluable, enabling me to step out of the darkness and back into the light. Without his wisdom and support, it’s quite possible that much of my current mindset and life choices wouldn’t exist.
Over those two years, I confronted the insecurities I’d developed and worked on reassuring both myself and my inner child that these thoughts were unjustified. It required time and effort to create evidence that there was another, more positive path and reality to embrace.
I began taking small risks to prove to myself that I would be okay—and that I could grow from these experiences. Over time, I built such a substantial body of evidence that failure no longer felt like a negative roadblock. Instead, it became an insightful lesson, guiding me towards finding the best path forward.
I started letting go of attachment to outcomes and reduced my expectations around decisions. I focused on living in the present, responding only to what was in front of me, rather than being guided by the scenarios my mind had anticipated.
What I realised was that my mind had created a negative spiral, always searching for the worst-case scenario. Through this process, I discovered that the complete opposite was not only possible—it was mine to lead with.
Since then, I’ve embraced living through my dreams and set out to become the best version of myself. I started a podcast I had visualised for many years, built routines I always knew I wanted, and set goals that I went on to achieve. The unknown became exciting, a source of inspiration, and uncertainty transformed into opportunity.
I learnt to find the positives in everything and realised that the success of my life would only be possible if I accepted that its perfect version could only exist through the imperfect events along the way. I let go of societal definitions of success and discovered that, for me, success meant experience—embracing and savouring as much of life as possible.
I wanted to understand what every emotion felt like. I welcomed the feeling of being far from my dreams and recognised the immense power of being present throughout the journey. I began to appreciate the learning and growth I was experiencing, knowing it was all part of the transformation I was undertaking.
I realised that our time here is finite and that it was passing by far too quickly. So, I taught myself to slow down, to sit back and truly observe everything around me. I took risks I’d never dared take before, driven by curiosity to see what the outcomes would be. For the first time, I wasn’t afraid to put myself first.
And through all of this, I came to a profound realisation: I was living life more fully than I ever had before. I felt a depth of emotions I had never experienced. Letting go of the need to be in control brought me an incredible sense of freedom. I felt like a stick floating downstream—moving and adapting to the turbulence, yet always progressing towards the vast expanse of the ocean.
And so, to you, the reader, what does all of this mean for you? Well, my question is this: What’s holding you back from truly LIVING? What thoughts and beliefs have you developed that no longer serve you? What defensive traits have you built that prevent you from seeing so much more?
Life is short, and for most of us, it’s only too late when we wake up and realise that time has been slipping by while we’ve been unaware of how we could have made the most of it. I’m still striving to improve on this every day, and I know I have a long way to go. But what I am content with is that I’ve removed the plaster my smaller self had put in place, allowing my wounds to heal through exposure, rather than hiding behind protection.
I am Will Flindall, host of the Valley of Outlaws Podcast where I speak to those who have decided to take control of their life and follow a passion or instinct.
If you feel like you could be getting more from your life, then maybe one of the conversations I’ve had with the Outlaws might help you kickstart a change.
Peace x
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