We all at some point have been in a situation where we’ve compared ourselves to someone else to rate our progress or success. It is easy to do, almost an animalistic trait in the competition of life.
Comparison is second nature. It is ingrained in our lives from a young age, through school, sports, and even in simple things like height. We are constantly compared and ranked into different categories of order, development or success.
When an idea like this is embedded in society, it is virtually impossible to stop it from happening. Naturally, we think in comparative ways as it is a normal way to see the world and success.
The questions I am tangling with right now are how can you balance it? Is there a way where comparison benefits us? Or was Roosevelt right and does it need to be dropped?
“Comparison is the thief of joy…” - Theodore Roosevelt
The Motivator:
For me, comparison has its place in my life as a motivator. I use it to push myself harder. I see what can be achieved and know I could have that too if I just dug a little deeper.
I’m not sure how great this is for me but I’ve only ever chosen to think like this to drive me to achieve more. It’s almost a competitive edge.
We are constantly told never to compare ourselves to others as we are all running our own races.
A huge part of me agrees with this but I do wonder how hard I would have pushed if I’d not seen where someone else had got to or what they had achieved and had a slight competitive thought that I could do that and maybe better.
Being raised in a life of privilege doesn't necessarily give you the hunger to chase life because what you have is already relatively great. If I lived a life with no comparison I could have thought that what my parents had given me was enough. (Luckily they didn't let that happen).
I sometimes wonder how I would have turned out if I wasn't surrounded by competition. Or how would I have been if I’d come from relatively little?
A lot of the most inspiring stories of entrepreneurs come from those who came from nothing to build a huge empire. Their hunger came from starting somewhere where they didn't want to stay.
Their drive pushed them as hard as possible for a better life and they developed a relentless nature for more, probably from seeing how others they aspired to be like lived.
There is a balance to comparison and if understood and controlled it can be used effectively. If misunderstood then it can lead to an endless life of never feeling good enough.
Below is my take on some of the negatives and positives for you to ponder.
The Negatives:
The negatives of comparison are relatively clear in my mind.
If you compare yourself to others you'll never be happy because someone else will always have something else you want.
Comparison of someone else’s life could lead to you never appreciating your own. You become blinded by the glory of someone else’s life, or what you see of it.
Therefore, it can be very easy to let comparison get you down. A good example could be if you are trying your hardest to progress at something whilst someone else puts in very little effort but achieves more. This is where you can lose hope. When you see others gain success quicker and easier than you, it can have a great impact on your mind.
Comparison of a person you know can work but in detail can easily lead to negative thoughts towards oneself. Focusing on the exact decisions and steps taken by someone or how people respond to them at certain stages of their journey is where real problems can occur.
At this point, you need to question your motive. Someone else's journey will never be yours and you'll never be able to repeat the same steps and create the same impact again.
You need to understand which emotions are connected to your reasons for comparison. I’ve found if I’ve used it badly it is coming from the wrong place.
In this instance, it comes from a place of lack. A lack of self-worth or a lack of confidence in oneself that I can achieve what I want. I become envious and then doubtful of my own capabilities.
When your self-worth is caught up in achieving things in your life then maybe you need to reconsider the driving forces behind them and how you can move from a place less dependent on validation.
The Positives:
Using comparison as a measure of how far you can go, without specifically honing in comparing yourself to one person, is very effective.
Sometimes we don't have the vision or clarity to see where you can take something and so looking towards people who have done or built similar things can give you direction.
I find this the most effective way of using comparison. I always ask “Who has done what I want to do to a level which impresses me?” It works as a great starting point to see what can be done.
Once I know the direction I try to limit real close comparison to the minimum because no journey will be the same.
Comparison can also be a great way to understand progress. This is applicable across all things whether in the gym, in work or with your art. If you can understand what each level of progress could look or feel like then you know you are on the right path.
Don’t look for exact matches, look for similar trends. Keep the observations broad and move in a similar direction, not on the exact footpath.
I am Will Flindall, host of the Valley of Outlaws Podcast where I speak to those who have decided to take control of their life and follow a passion or instinct.
If you feel like you could be getting more from your life, then maybe one of the conversations I’ve had with the Outlaws might help you kickstart a change.
Peace x
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