Too many of us live a reactionary life.
Our lives are so busy and full on that we don't recognise the importance of slowing down and creating space to allow ourselves to breathe, observe and reset.
With so many distractions and things to do it is difficult to find moments completely to ourselves where no one or thing will distract our focus.
I only realised the importance of this over the last year whilst being led by my teacher Tobias Matthew, who challenged me to find more space for myself.
Creating space allows you to see the journey you are on, how you are doing, how you are feeling and if you want to continue along the same route.
The benefits of this can be life-changing and this was no more clear to me when one of my closest friends was forced to slow down, create space in his life and observe how to move forward.
He said to me this, “Up until now, I’d lived my life as if I was told to write an essay on a subject and I just started writing. I realised that I didn’t have a plan for what I wanted to write, my head was down and I was writing as fast as I could. Now that I’ve slowed down, I realised that I can actually plan my essay and really decide how I want to write it.”
This metaphor is the perfect summary of how many of us live our lives without intention and proactive thought. We go from A to B and try and get there as directly and quickly as possible, sometimes without even deciding if B is truly where we want to go.
Creating space has allowed me to really understand what I want from my life and I honestly believe if more of us consciously tried to do it, we’d all be a lot more fulfilled and happy with our lives.
Why?
When approaching this challenge I had to really understand why I needed to create space. What was the reason and relevance for me to do and prioritise it?
Sometimes when there's a lot going on in our lives and everything is going at 100mph we don't realise how important it is to step out of that moving car and just observe everything around us.
The previous 3 years of my life had been a whirlwind when I first approached this challenge. I never allowed myself to slow down and see where I’d come from and how I’d grown.
We feel that if we stop and just observe for a while we will miss an opportunity or become further and further behind on the race of life.
The truth is, if we just stop, allow ourselves to think, and consider the steps forward, we actually then have the ability to plan and move proactively with intention.
Below are four areas I focused on to create more space in my life.
Meditation:
Meditation had always been an issue for me as I never believed I was capable of meditating. My mind was too active and thoughts rushed round my head for 15 minutes whilst I sat there.
I saw this as a failure because ‘clearing your mind’ is spoken about so much, I never truly believed that I‘d ever achieved anything of value for me because my mind had never fully cleared.
It wasn't until I shifted my mindset recognising the value I was gaining from just taking a break from the day and allowing my thoughts to percolate out of my mind that this mentality shifted.
Meditating can be many things to different people but to me, it became a dedicated time to allow my thoughts of that day to be released therefore creating space for my true intentions and deeper thoughts to rise to the surface.
This is something I try and remind people of now. Clearing your mind doesn't always mean letting go and becoming blank. It can also just mean removing the top layer of reactionary thoughts.
Meditation has now become a routine for me where during the week I will sit listening to a guided meditation for 15-20 minutes and allow my mind to process my thoughts. Guided meditation allows me to focus on the speaker rather than try to challenge my mind to be still and not to think. Therefore allowing me to have a bit more presence.
Nature:
I’ve always felt such a strong connection to myself when I was out walking through the countryside. I’d go without any technology and just walk for an hour or so allowing my mind to observe, react and take in the surroundings.
It wasn't until my focus on creating space came to the forefront of my mind that I realised how relevant these walks were and how they were helping me create space.
Within this hour of walking, I was processing thoughts and allowing my mind to wander, thus clearing out any doubts, fears or questions I had.
The natural world can be so inspiring and a place to connect with but it can also be a place that allows you to delve deeper into your mind. You can take a lot of inspiration watching a sunset or walking through a woodland.
I’ve made it a habit on weekends or whenever I am in the countryside to get out and walk for an hour or so to escape the fast-paced digital world that consumes the majority of my life.
New Routines:
It is amazing how quickly we create routines and fall into patterns in our lives. These patterns help create comfort and allow us to believe we are in control, as we are maintaining the things we want to do.
However, it's easy to forget the comfort zone isn't a place we always want to be and being absorbed by it too much is quite a negative experience.
Switching up routines is so healthy for you and your mind because it enables you to figure out how to survive again. Removing old routines or just adapting them allows you to create space for a new routine to be built.
I challenged myself to think about my gym routine. For three years I had been the after-work/evening gym guy who used the gym to clear my frustrations from the day through lifting weights.
Despite the obvious success this brought to my life, I realised how it became a safety blanket which limited my social abilities in the evening. So from Dec 2023, I decide to flip my routine and train from 7 am and build my workouts on ticking things off the list rather than clearing frustrations.
This simple change of timings reshaped my days and created much more space in my evenings to socialise, find time for myself and grow further.
Tech Free Holidays:
It's quite worrying how many hours I spend on my phone and computer. I don't even want to get into the numbers but it has become too easy to be lost in rabbit holes of pointless content.
During the summer of 2021, I embarked on my first ever tech-free holiday, leaving my laptop and phone behind for a whole week whilst on holiday with my family in Cornwall.
It was ridiculous how quickly my mind opened up to the reality of the situation I had created.
Having no opportunity to scroll on my phone and no temptation to waste a few minutes watching a video led to me having more deeper and meaningful connections with my family members.
It allowed me to experience visiting somewhere for the first time and connect with what it had to offer.
Removing tech from our lives creates an amazing amount of space, in the form of time, as we gain the ability to see further than 50cm in front of our eyes into the wider world.
A tech-free holiday is a goal I try and set at least once a year and one which reminds me how easy it is to fall into the trap of technology.
Creating space has become essential for me to be able to check in and understand how I am doing. It has allowed me to understand that the space is always eventually filled by something, so I have less fear over removing things that don't serve me anymore.
In my opinion, life is about experience, I don't want to live the perfect life. I want to live a life that has a balanced amount of all experiences and emotions so I can learn and understand what it feels like to live through them.
We aren't here to just be successful, we are here to understand the full human experience.
I am Will Flindall, host of the Valley of Outlaws Podcast where I speak to those who have decided to take control of their life and follow a passion or instinct.
If you feel like you could be getting more from your life, then maybe one of the conversations I’ve had with the Outlaws might help you kickstart a change.
Peace x
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